On Magic

So you want to learn the secrets of magic from me, eh, boy? Well, then. Imagine you are an ant living in the courtyard of a castle. And you have a horn that, when you blow it with all of your might, so hard that it sucks the life out of you, you might, just might, attract the attention of one of the men moving about the courtyard. You keep blowing the horn, and one of those men might be amused enough to drop a crumb of food in front of you. More likely, he'll just smile and keep walking, or ignore you altogether. If another ant is trying to take your crumb, he might be amused enough to reach out with a finger and flick the other one away, or crush you both with his thumb. Or, far more likely, you'll just get stepped on without the man even noticing, because although you were standing there out in the open, blowing your horn with all of your breath, he never heard it or saw you in the first place. 

And you want me to hand you a horn and teach you to blow it? Are you mad? Go back to your fields, boy. Go back to your fields.